How Long is Too Long Without Sex in a Relationship?

Sexual intimacy plays a crucial role in maintaining the bond between partners in a romantic relationship. It promotes closeness, mutual satisfaction, and a sense of connection that goes beyond just physical pleasure. However, the frequency of sexual encounters can vary greatly from one couple to another due to various factors such as age, health, stress levels, lifestyle, and personal beliefs.

While it’s common for couples to experience periods of decreased sexual activity, how long is too long without sex in a relationship? This question often lingers in the minds of many, especially when they find themselves in a prolonged phase of sexual inactivity.

In this article, we aim to explore this complex issue, shedding light on the impact of sexless periods in relationships, what might be considered ‘too long’ and suggestions on how to navigate these challenging times.

Understanding Sexual Intimacy in Relationships

Sexual intimacy is a significant aspect of romantic relationships that involves shared sexual experiences, which foster emotional closeness and connection.

It goes beyond the physical act of sex to encompass trust, vulnerability, communication, and mutual respect. It’s a way for partners to express their love, affection, and commitment to each other.

Importance of Sexual Intimacy in a Relationship:

  1. Physical Connection: Sexual intimacy strengthens the physical bond between partners, fostering a sense of belonging and acceptance.
  2. Emotional Bonding: It encourages emotional closeness, helping partners understand, appreciate, and empathize with each other on a deeper level.
  3. Communication: Sexual intimacy can serve as a non-verbal form of communication, where partners can express their feelings, desires, and emotions.
  4. Stress Relief: It has been found to reduce stress and promote relaxation due to the release of endorphins, the body’s natural “feel-good” chemicals.
  5. Health Benefits: Regular sexual activity has numerous health benefits, including improved immune function, better sleep, and increased longevity.

Factors Influencing Sexual Frequency in a Relationship:

  1. Age: As couples age, there may be a decline in sexual activity due to changes in hormones, health conditions, or decreased libido.
  2. Health: Chronic illnesses, mental health issues, or disabilities can affect sexual desire and performance.
  3. Stress Levels: High levels of stress, whether from work, family issues, or financial troubles, can significantly impact sexual desire and frequency.
  4. Lifestyle: Habits such as smoking, alcohol consumption, lack of exercise, and poor diet can adversely affect sexual health.
  5. Relationship Quality: The quality of the relationship plays a crucial role as well. Conflict, lack of communication, or unresolved issues can lead to decreased sexual activity.
  6. Personal Beliefs: Personal beliefs, values, and attitudes towards sex can also influence sexual frequency.

It’s essential to remember that every couple is unique, and what might be normal for one couple might not be for another. The key is open communication and understanding each other’s needs and desires.

The Impact of Sexless Periods in Relationships

Sexual intimacy is a significant part of many romantic relationships. It fosters emotional connection and can often be a barometer for relationship satisfaction. Therefore, long periods without sex can potentially impact a relationship in several ways.

Emotional Connection

Sexual activity often enhances the emotional bond between partners. When couples go through lengthy periods without sex, it may lead to feelings of disconnect or distance. Partners might feel less emotionally fulfilled and less connected to each other[^1^].

Relationship Satisfaction

Several studies indicate that sexual satisfaction is closely linked to overall relationship satisfaction[^2^]. Hence, a prolonged period without sex could lead to decreased relationship satisfaction. However, it’s important to note that satisfaction varies greatly between individuals and couples. For some, sexual activity might not be a significant factor in their relationship satisfaction.

Research Findings

Research on this topic has yielded fascinating insights. For instance, one study found that women with vaginal discomfort due to menopause reported being less satisfied with their sex lives[^3^]. Another study from Japan explored sexual inactivity and found that social environment impacts sexuality, suggesting broader societal factors can also influence periods of sexual inactivity[^4^].

A study investigating the impact of gender roles and relationship types found that women in same-sex relationships initiated sex less frequently than men in other-sex relationships[^5^]. This suggests that dynamics within a relationship can also influence sexual frequency.

In the context of health, a study on HIV-infected homosexual men found that those experiencing lipodystrophy (a potential side effect of antiretroviral therapy) reported less enjoyment of sex, felt less physically well, and were less confident in relationships[^6^].

It’s important to remember that the impact of sexless periods in relationships can be complex and multi-faceted, influenced by a range of individual, relationship, and societal factors.


[^1^]: Clarifying Vaginal Atrophy’s Impact on Sex and Relationships (CLOSER) survey: emotional and physical impact of vaginal discomfort on North American …

[^2^]: An exploration of sexual inactivity in contemporary Japan

[^3^]: Women’s Sexual Initiation: The Impact of Gender Roles and Relationship Type

[^4^]: The impact of experiencing lipodystrophy on the sexual behaviour and well-being among HIV-infected homosexual men

[^5^]: Positive sex: Sexual relationships following an HIV-positive diagnosis

[^6^]: Extramarital Affairs and Sexless Married Couples

How Long is Too Long Without Sex in a Relationship?

The ‘right’ amount of sex in a relationship is highly subjective and varies from couple to couple. What one couple might consider an adequate frequency, another couple might view as insufficient or excessive. For instance, some couples might find that having sex one to two times a week fulfills their needs, while others might be content with one to two times a month.

In some relationships, extended periods without sex don’t necessarily indicate a problem. As long as both partners are satisfied with their level of intimacy, a lack of sexual activity doesn’t have to impact the relationship negatively. Some couples might even have a sexless marriage and still maintain a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

However, if one or both partners are discontent with the frequency of sexual activity, then it might be considered ‘too long’ without sex. The threshold for what constitutes ‘too long’ can greatly vary. For example, individuals who are accustomed to having sex multiple times per week might consider a dry spell of two weeks too long. On the other hand, some therapy clients who reported being in a ‘dry spell’ had not been sexually intimate for about 2-6 months.

Researcher Sarah Hunter Murray estimated that approximately 15% of couples have not had sex in the last six months. However, the impact of such sexless periods can vary widely, depending on factors like body image, mental health, and individual processing time.

It’s important to note that there is no universal rule for how long is ‘too long’ without sex in a relationship. The key lies in open communication between partners and understanding each other’s sexual needs and desires.

Related: What are Platonic Relationships? A Guide to Friendships with Benefits

Dealing with Sexless Periods in Relationships

Long periods without sex can be challenging for some couples. However, there are ways to navigate through such times and maintain a healthy relationship. Here are some tips:

Open Communication

It’s crucial to have open and honest conversations about your sexual desires and needs. If you’re feeling discontent with the lack of sexual activity, express these feelings to your partner in a non-blaming, non-judgmental way[^1^].

Seeking Professional Help

If open communication doesn’t resolve the issue or if it’s difficult to discuss, consider seeking help from a professional, like a sex therapist or relationship counselor[^2^]. They can provide guidance and strategies to help you navigate through this phase.

Understanding the Cause

Try to understand the underlying reason for the lack of sexual activity. It could be due to stress, health issues, emotional disconnect, or other factors. Addressing the root cause can help in finding a solution[^3^].

Maintaining Emotional Intimacy

Even during periods without sex, it’s important to maintain emotional intimacy. Here are some ways to do that:

  • Quality Time: Spend quality time together to strengthen your emotional bond. This could be through shared hobbies, date nights, or simply spending time talking about each other’s day[^4^].
  • Physical Affection: Non-sexual physical affection, like hugging, cuddling, holding hands, or kissing, can foster emotional intimacy and maintain a sense of connection[^5^].
  • Emotional Sharing: Share your thoughts, feelings, fears, and dreams with each other. Emotional sharing can create a deep bond and understanding between partners[^6^].
  • Acts of Kindness: Small acts of kindness can go a long way in maintaining emotional intimacy. It shows your partner that you care about them and value their happiness[^7^].

Remember, every couple is unique, and what works for one might not work for another. The key is to find what works best for you and your partner.


[^1^]: How to Talk About Sex: Tips for Open Communication

[^2^]: Sex Therapy: What You Should Know

[^3^]: Why Are We Not Having Sex?

[^4^]: The Importance of Quality Time in Your Relationship

[^5^]: The Power of Touch in a Relationship

[^6^]: The Importance of Emotional Intimacy

[^7^]: The Little Things Mean the Most in a Relationship

When It’s More Than Just a Dry Spell

A healthy sex life is an important aspect of many romantic relationships, but it’s also normal for sexual activity to fluctuate over time due to various factors such as stress, health issues, or changes in life circumstances. However, when a dry spell becomes prolonged, it could signal deeper relationship issues[^1^][^2^]. Here are some signs to look out for:

Lack of Intimacy: A decline in non-sexual physical affection, like hugging, cuddling, or kissing, can be a sign that intimacy is fading from your relationship[^1^].

Avoidance: If one or both partners consistently avoid sexual encounters or discussions about sex, it may suggest underlying relationship problems.

Dissatisfaction: Dissatisfaction with your sex life can affect overall relationship satisfaction[^3^]. If either partner feels unhappy about the lack of sex, it could indicate deeper issues.

Feeling Distant: Feeling emotionally distant or disconnected from your partner can be a sign of larger relationship problems and might contribute to a decrease in sexual activity[^2^].

Reduced Desire: While it’s normal for sexual desire to fluctuate, a persistent lack of interest in sex can sometimes be a symptom of deeper relationship or personal issues, including mental health conditions like depression or anxiety.

If these signs resonate with your situation, it might be time to consider relationship counseling or therapy. A professional can provide a safe space to discuss these issues openly and honestly, help you explore the underlying causes, and guide you toward potential solutions[^2^].

Therapy can also provide tools and strategies to improve communication, rebuild intimacy, and address any personal or health issues that might be affecting your sex life[^2^]. Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength and commitment to improving your relationship.


[^1^]: Sex & intimacy – Does a sexless relationship lead to infidelity

[^2^]: Sexless Marriage or Relationship: What Causes It and How…

[^3^]: When To Walk Away From A Sexless Marriage– 15 Sure…


Maintaining a satisfying sex life can be an essential aspect of many romantic relationships. However, the ‘right’ amount of sex varies greatly from couple to couple and what one might consider a dry spell, another might view as normal. A period without sex doesn’t necessarily indicate a problem, as long as both partners are content with their level of intimacy.

However, when the lack of sex becomes a source of contention or dissatisfaction, it may be time to address the issue. Open communication about sexual desires and expectations can help resolve misunderstandings and foster a deeper connection.

Signs that a sexless period might be indicative of deeper relationship issues include a lack of non-sexual intimacy, consistent avoidance of sexual encounters or discussions, feelings of dissatisfaction or emotional distance, and a persistent lack of sexual desire. In such cases, seeking professional help like relationship counseling or therapy can be beneficial.

Therapists can provide tools and strategies to improve communication, rebuild intimacy, and address any personal or health issues that might be affecting your sex life.

In conclusion, it’s important for couples to openly communicate about their sexual needs and to seek help if necessary. Remember, reaching out for professional guidance is a sign of strength and commitment to improving your relationship. Don’t hesitate to take that step if you feel it could be beneficial.


What is considered a ‘normal’ frequency for sex in a relationship?

There is no ‘normal’ when it comes to the frequency of sex in a relationship. It varies greatly from couple to couple based on individual desires, lifestyle factors, health, and age. As long as both partners are satisfied, that’s what matters most.

How can I tell if the lack of sex in our relationship is a problem?

If the lack of sex is causing dissatisfaction, stress, or conflict in your relationship, it might be an issue. Signs could include avoiding sexual encounters, feeling emotionally distant, or a persistent lack of sexual desire.

What could be the reasons for a prolonged period without sex in a relationship?

There can be many reasons, including stress, health issues, changes in life circumstances, emotional disconnect, or changes in sexual desire. Understanding the underlying cause is important in addressing the issue.

What can we do if the lack of sex is causing problems in our relationship?

Open communication is key. Discuss your feelings and concerns with your partner in a non-blaming, non-judgmental way. If this doesn’t help, you might want to consider seeking professional guidance such as relationship counseling or therapy.

How can we maintain emotional intimacy during periods without sex?

Emotional intimacy can be maintained through quality time together, physical affection that’s not necessarily sexual, sharing your thoughts and feelings, and small acts of kindness.

When should we seek professional help for a sexless period in our relationship?

If open communication about the issue isn’t helping, or if the lack of sex is causing significant distress or conflict in your relationship, it might be time to seek professional help. A counselor or therapist can provide a safe space to discuss these issues and guide you toward potential solutions.

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