College Guys Reveal Their Thoughts on “Picking Up Girls at Bar”

What do you typically think of the girls you meet at bars?

Response: It was refreshing to hear most guys say it depends on the particular girl and situation. But, still, sex was on their minds. An anonymous guy shares his inner thoughts with us by saying the first thing he thinks is, “Is she down?” Another says, “[The girls] are drunk and looking to get picked up, or at least hit on.” According to Max, a college junior, “They are nice, pretty and probably looking to hook up.” The senior from Michigan State University says he’s met all types of girls – “hot girls who were stupid and hot girls who were sensible, as well as less attractive women who were stupid and less attractive women who were sensible.

Lesson to Learn: If you don’t want to automatically be placed into the one-night stand/hook-up category, don’t act as though that’s all you are capable of. Guys can either think good or bad things about you. It’s in your power to portray yourself in a good way, if that’s how you want to be perceived. When you’re at a bar, think, “classy girl who’s friendly and flirtatious,” not, “blackout drunk girl who’s ditzy and desperate.” True, alcohol can help to make you more confident when talking to guys. But if a guy talks to you because you’re one of the only sober girls in the bar, that’s an ego boost that doesn’t require drunkenness. Plus, you’ll stand out in the crowd because you can actually walk straight and talk in complete sentences – making it impossible for guys looking for more than just a hook-up to resist you.

Have you ever dated a girl you met at a bar?
Response: All but one guy say a big fat NO.

Lessons to learn: What does this tell us? A Saturday night encounter with a cute guy at the local bar will probably not lead to a romantic relationship. Lier and Lindstrom say, “Men throughout their mid- and late 20s typically don’t ever look for a ‘relationship.’ They look for the hook-up, and sometimes they connect with a woman they like and end up in a relationship.” In Lier and Lindstrom’s bestselling book, MEN – 10 Secrets Every Women Should Know from Two Guys that Do, they explain the RMS (Relationship Maturity Scale), which indicates that men emotionally mature up to 10 years behind women. “That would explain why ‘college guys’ are looking for the hook-up MOST of the time and not looking for a relationship,” Lier and Lindstrom say. But then we hear responses like this that make us feel as though good guys do exist: “There are all types of men at the bar; a woman just has to put in her due diligence to find the non-dbag, or she has to be able to see past any male stereotypes and not feel that every man that is talking to her is looking to hook up – he may really want to get to know her,” says the anonymous senior from Michigan State University.

Maybe the preconceived notion that bars are only full of horny guys looking to take advantage of drunken girls gives men and women alike a negative view of bars’ matchmaking abilities. As these college guys share with us, a bar shouldn’t be your go-to locale for a relationship. However, not all men are strictly looking for a hook-up. Some of them do make smart decisions (despite their own level of drunkenness). An anonymous University of Michigan senior says, “Don’t bring back a girl that’s blackout drunk. That’s just not cool.” According to Clay, a sophomore at Michigan State University, guys should “go beyond looks and how easy/not easy it is to get in their pants.” And, to bring home the point, Josh says,“Anywhere where booze is the main feature is a tough place to meet anyone you want a relationship with. Better to meet her before and then go to the bar for a few drinks.” Lier and Lindstrom agree: Rule of thumb on campus; when going to a bar, guys are looking for one thing only. So if you decide to go to the bar, it’s important to understand the game that you are playing. Meeting a guy in class or at the student union is a much better way to actually meet the person, not the guy at the party or the bar who’s looking to hook up.” So there you have it collegiettes™: be wary when looking for love at a bar.

Do you agree with the guys? Have you ever been picked up at a bar? What was the outcome like? If any of you have found a boyfriend at a bar, please share your secrets with us!

For Full ARTICLE as Published by

Mark Sharp, Ph.D., clinical psychologist at Aiki Relationship Institute in Illinois
Dan Lier, relationship, sex and communication expert from ASK Dan & Mike
Mike Lindstrom, relationship, sex and communication expert from ASK Dan & Mike………


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