Q and A: Text Messaging and Dating?

Texing & Dating

Q: I met this guy recently at a function. I gave him my number and it seems that we just text message all the time. Is there a “rule of thumb” on text messaging someone I just met or someone I may be interested in?

A: Great question that most all of us have faced in some shape or form. The answer is YES, there are general rules to follow here and unfairly the rules are different for men compared to women. Text messaging is technological way to flirt with someone of the opposite sex; it has been a game-changer on the dating scene. The age old wait “3 days to call her when you get her number” are buried in the Smithsonian! People can hide behind text messaging. People can use vague communication to test the other person’s resolve and feelings. A witty, tried-and-true trick on text message (as in email) is to use words or phrases with double-meaning: example text message, “Are we planning on hooking up this weekend?” The operating double meaning “HOOKING UP” can imply a couple different things to the other person, thus, creating the flirting. I digress!

Women, when he FIRST messages you, do NOT respond right away! Take a couple hours to let him hang out and wait. Men love the chase and your stock goes down if we think the chase is easy. Next do NOT overwhelm us with messages. If you are sending over ten unprovoked messages a day, you are showing your cards. Lastly, if a guy calls you, call him back! Nothing we hate more than a woman that hides behind her cell phone and refuses to call us back.

Men, if a woman gives you her number, that is her way of saying it is OK to contact me. As such, do NOT wait a week and then start messaging or calling her. I have a “gentlemen’s rule” when it comes to messaging and a woman giving you her number—within 24 hours of you meeting her, send her a professional text message (or a phone call) and let her know you appreciated meeting her and that you look forward to the next time you can see her again. I have interviewed thousands of women on this issue and they overwhelmingly appreciate this approach. Lastly, Fellas, just like my advice to the ladies, do NOT be afraid to pick up the phone and call her. Women love the personal contact too so do not let the texting thumbs rule your dating life.


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